she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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