Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
