two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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