She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
