youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
