today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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