After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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