Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
