who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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