Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
