i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
