if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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