PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
