Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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