The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
