...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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