Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
