just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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