so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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