Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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