Cold hands, warm shart.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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