This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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