i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I looked at my own cervix.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
