***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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