Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
