I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
