I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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