if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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