Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
