TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
