I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
