He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
