my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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