Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The air taste purple.
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