Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I faked an abortion last night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
