If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
