Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
