u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
