Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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