I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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