Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
