So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
