i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
