He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
