i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
