I think i peed on brittanys purse
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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