Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
