I can tuck mytits in my pants
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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