then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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