A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
