When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
