her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This house was built for laser tag.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
