he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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