There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
