y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just had sex bonerless
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
