Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
